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[24 Jul 2008|01:02am] |
Lift up your heads,
Oh, Lift up your heads,
Look on HIM
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[24 Jul 2008|12:55am] |
It's strange to feel the weight
of God's Love
and growing older
family members departing
a love for another not reciprocated
music is beginning to mean more and more to me
possibly more than I could comprehend
Ive become less picky about it
which is wonderful
because I can enjoy it more
I enjoy the little moments I share with people
that are meaningless to others but
when they happen to me are epic
and could make or break the deal
I started drinking quite early on tonight
but it clears my mind and lets me focus on importance
of God and the relationships I share with others
whether they are my one sided view or theirs
they mean a lot
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| i go to some hollow and sit in my still |
[23 Jul 2008|08:09pm] |
im happiest when im unhappy
and im more myself when im alone
i dont think its in my destiny for such things;
love and bestfriendship
my only constant is change
but ive felt the same for many,
many long years
i dont want to be here
i want to do something else
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| kaylie, don't leave!!!!!! |
[23 Jul 2008|11:46pm] |
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Now the time has come, I just wish I could erase all the damage done, all this pain, all this heartache. It's only just begun, it's been fun. We were fucked up and numb. There's a killer on the corner and he's looking for love. Where did you go once lights went black? Look what's become of me. I've come to love your disappearing acts. Do one more pretty please. And to tell you the truth I lost my faith in you. And these unspoken lies appear at the worst times. They're hiding just behind your eyes.
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[23 Jul 2008|02:06pm] |
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i think im going to be sick for a long time.
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| this week @ ttf |
[23 Jul 2008|01:34pm] |
20911 Johnson St, Pembroke Pines, Florida 33029
pop and metal shows back2back
fri 25 Jul, Matinee Show!!!! 01:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10presale
bands.
Robots & Butterflies - Robot Love Story - Brand Name Punk - Cambridge +TBA
ALSO fri.25 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10p
bands.
CARNIFEX - KNIVES EXCHANGING HANDS - A STAINED GLASS ROMANCE - At Arms Reach - Once Burned - BTHOW
Saturday, July 26th @ 6:30pm: benifit show for mci (someone stole thier shit)
cost ; 12
bands.
MONUMENT - FROM ME TO YOU - MY COMPLEX ISLAND - CENTURIES - xINMANx
for presale or to watch the shows live online go to thetalentfarm.com
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| this week @ ttf. |
[23 Jul 2008|01:14pm] |
20911 Johnson St, Pembroke Pines, Florida 33029
pop and metal shows back2back
fri 25 Jul, Matinee Show!!!! 01:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10presale
bands.
Robots & Butterflies - Robot Love Story - Brand Name Punk - Cambridge +TBA
ALSO fri.25 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10p
bands.
CARNIFEX - KNIVES EXCHANGING HANDS - A STAINED GLASS ROMANCE - At Arms Reach - Once Burned - BTHOW
Saturday, July 26th @ 6:30pm: benifit show for mci (someone stole thier shit)
cost ; 12
bands.
MONUMENT - FROM ME TO YOU - MY COMPLEX ISLAND - CENTURIES - xINMANx
for presale or to watch the shows live online go to thetalentfarm.com
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[23 Jul 2008|11:52am] |
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life in a box.
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| oh wow. |
[22 Jul 2008|01:05pm] |
Los Angeles, San Bernardino, Hollywood, Nocturnal Wonderland...............................................
California here WE fuckin' come.
When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"
Remember what the dormouse said;
"FEED YOUR HEAD"
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| f.y.i |
[22 Jul 2008|10:14am] |
|
Oh yeah, and just another tid-bit of information... 'shit talking' is never based on real things and events...it's called just telling the truth
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| i like it in the city when the air is so thick. |
[21 Jul 2008|05:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
chopin |
] |
i've been watching smart people and its on my top 5 new movies. i'm pretty attached to it. next on the list should be the tracy fragments. it looked good but got horrible ratings but i don't go by other people's opinions.
i'm seeing the dark knight on wednesday in IMAX after going to Elephant Bar. i haven't gone yet simply because i'm working all the time and so is vince and our schedules conflict but its all good. just because people see it early doesn't effect my outlook on it. i've been a batman fan since i was like 6 when my dad showed me all his old comic books so all these band wagon jumpers can rant and rave about the movie all they want. then getting the lego batman game for the xbox is next in september.
only a couple more days until my birthday. its pretty weird that i'm turning 23. its actually really insane. my birthdays have come and gone and its so weird to know that i'm almost a quarter of a century old. 7 birthday have come and gone without my dad. I'm hoping to get the majority of stuff off my birthday list since its a small list. i guess i could be abnoxious and post pictures of the stuff i want..
( birthday list )
i should really go to bed because i have to leave for work at 7:30am. i've called off work the past two days simply because my body hasn't felt right. damn arthritis/seizures. i love life, and most importantly getting older. pretty soon i'll be in a wheelchair.
i downloaded the first season of OZ. i'm so pumped. i love that hbo series, better than the sopranos and maybe even big love. nothing will be better than six feet under though.
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[21 Jul 2008|09:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 nervous |
] |
i just applied for a position at the company my dad works for.
apparently it's a national company, and even though he works out of cape canaveral, the job itself is in oviedo.
man i seriously hope i hear something back. like. i need a change.
i need good things to start happening before i lose my mind here.
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| just be real people, not hard |
[21 Jul 2008|05:49pm] |
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Im almost to the point where im about to tell all of you all about yourselves, so relax and chill out before I flip
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| thank goodness |
[21 Jul 2008|07:40am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 accomplished |
] |
for second chances. I'm alive again. palm beach road trip in 2 or so weeks, with only the best!
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| leavin |
[20 Jul 2008|05:23pm] |
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never looking back again!
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| good time w. lauren tonight :) |
[19 Jul 2008|10:39pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
gettin' better |
] |
I wanna feel the sand beneath my feet, breathe a breath of your fresh air, fill the silence of this room, lay in bed when you're not there.
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| in abeyance is where im kept |
[19 Jul 2008|05:23pm] |
i don't know much
but
i do know
that we all take shits
eventually
and then we're clean
but we fill up
and eventually
we shit again
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| eewww |
[19 Jul 2008|05:24pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 groggy |
] |
I'm at work about to yack up everything from last night all over the next customer.
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[19 Jul 2008|04:55am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 sore |
] |
today i discovered the most awesome thing ever.
now i just have to start scheming... hmmmmmmmm
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[18 Jul 2008|12:52pm] |
What's up lj? I suck at this.. or wait.. yeah... I suck at keeping you guys up to date with dumb shit in my life..
MY DADDY IS DOING BETTER...
SOOOOO EXCITED.
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[18 Jul 2008|10:46am] |
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i've been in a perpetual state of black out drunk and hung over. i came home from gainesville yesterday with a new tattoo and more bruises. it's time to take a little break. i'm going to hole up in my apartment and read the books i've been collecting all summer. detox before best friends day which is sure to be off the fucking wall this year.
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| We break into towns worth of houses |
[17 Jul 2008|10:26pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 stressed |
] |
today i had my interview to transfer to another attraction. it was beyond stressful. it was a group interview and all the people that were interviewing were on one side and all the elite managers were on the other side staring us down. any time either one of us opened our mouths - the would write on pieces of paper. oh my lord. it was so scary. thank god i had my fellow bluto leads standing by my side or else i don't think i could have done this process without them.
it was really nice to see our supervisor come in on his day off and wish us luck. that was really nice of him and it was nice to joke around and let down our hair and try to be comfortable atleast until we went into the room and sat down. i'm still pretty stressed about it.
now i'm sitting in the living room watching
yup.
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| This Saturday >> Die Sektor show in Gainesville |
[17 Jul 2008|05:09pm] |
Moonrazor Productions presents
Die Sektor
Earth Empire
DollhouseX
with DJ Das Toy (Resurrection Radio 100.5 The Buzz)
July 19
10 PM / 18+ / $8 / $6 advance purchase
Backstage Lounge
1315 S Main St
Gainesville, FL 32605
Advance purchase:
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| Spritiual Parenting |
[16 Jul 2008|11:57am] |
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I was really inspired by the seminar by Dan and Linda Olson and their daughter on spiritual parenting (taking in other kids as your own). I didn't ever get to talk to them one-on-one about it, specifically how you AFFORD caring for 7 teenagers or older. I don't have a house of my own, I'm not married or anything, but what they do is something I would like to do some day. Did anyone happen to get their contact information?
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[16 Jul 2008|01:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
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| i am in love. |
[16 Jul 2008|10:24am] |
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ughhh seriously. what a babe. get in my life right now, please.
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| unsatisfied and unhappy pt. 10 |
[16 Jul 2008|09:27am] |
"I've told myself
So many times
Not to turn into the type
But I've found
Is it too late?
Has my time come?
Sometimes I think I'm losin' it
Am I the only one?
Understanding, more like demanding
Where do the grey skies end?
So should I stay
Or fly away
The wings that I begin to grow
Will surely let me know
How far I have to go
And I'll be there"
I feel incapable of ever finding the means to get out of here on my own. it's closer now, but still far away. i just want to pack up and leave and start somewhere new, preferably with someone I love, a best friend. I feel like the best orlando has to offer me has come and gone and I'm watching everyone else enjoy their youth. I'm sick of living far away and feeling detached, I'm sick of being far from my best friend, I'm sick of sitting around here. I do not want to live and die in orlando, as wonderful as it has been to me up until the last year.
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| everyday IS like sunday |
[16 Jul 2008|09:16am] |
silent and grey
(ignore all this, i havnt really slept, its early, and im in class and am only typing this down, free verse, so i dont forget)
I hadn't smoked in about two days. Partly by choice, partly because im broke till next week.
and unless i go to sleep drunk, im going to sleep with a clear sober mind.
The result has been lucid dreaming again, last night i think i projected a bit, but im not sure.
reason being.. it has been really violent. almost frightening.. im not too sure if this is because its been a while since my last time, but the past few nights have been the most intense nightmares of my life.
Night 1.
All my fears manifested themselves into one giant nightmare. In the midst of it all, i went lucid. Usually this means i can erase the dream or change it or control it, but i couldn't. it kept me there like a prisoner until i woke up. I wanted to cry, but i knew it was a dream so i just watched like a movie. watched everything i hate or fear or am insecure about attack and mock me. much like my real life, a fucking joke. i guess im a fucking joke to myself as well. but we're all just bodies, and none of this matters.
Night 2.
Again, i cannot sleep. waking in and out of REM every few hours. Miserable. Maybe its the rain, I just need weed. weird i would say that. But it really DOES help one sleep and if i were in California id have a prescription and live in the best of both worlds, recreation and medicinal.. or maybe thats just a dream too.
So, the violent nightmares begin again, lucidity initiates, blah blah, i try real hard to wake up(most of the time i over shoot this and thats how my astral projection starts) only this time, i was nowhere.
for those of you who understand ANY of this, what the fuck? let me explain.
I went weightless, i FELT myself leave my body, but instead of being in the world i know, it was nothing but black.. all around me. i did some research but still didnt receive answers.
where did i go? was it near death(suggested online) or were my eyes just not open?
blah blah back to class.
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[15 Jul 2008|08:02pm] |
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I can't stop crying. I don't want anyone anymore. I don't want friends. I don't want anything in my life that could ever hurt me again. How does this shit happen to me?
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[15 Jul 2008|10:10am] |
My life will become L.A. bound for the next five days.
Under the unfortunate circumstance, I feel like an
enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders
knowing that I can hug him one more time.
My constant struggle with death, does not seem
to get any easier...often I wonder if it does
for anyone. And what bothers me most, is that
stuff like this is supposed to happen...
this is part of life, but nonetheless there
is nothing more grueling and terrifying.
Despite my situation I cannot help but to
feel a little relieved I'll at least be in
California...a second home, that I have learned
to be in love with is. I don't understand all
of the New York hype...I mean it's great, but
L.A. is always going to have a soft spot in
my heart as the greatest place to be.
Differents strokes for different folks I guess.
I fully intend to workout for two hours tonight
to take the guilt away from the nonstop in-and-out
double double's my body is about to consume.
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[15 Jul 2008|02:14am] |
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| hahahah WTF |
[15 Jul 2008|01:39am] |
this is what my late nights have turned into...
ghetto girl
videossss
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| RAWWWWWWR |
[14 Jul 2008|07:41pm] |
That pretty much sums up Cornerstone this year, what with the fifty billion generator stages right next to each other, all playing God-awful hardcore or screamo or whatever it is you kids call it these days. I'm only 23, but I guess I'm too old because I couldn't walk down the main drag without earplugs or my hands over my ears. It's great that everyone gets a chance to play their music, but you couldn't even tell one from the other down there because they were so close together.
It's cool that they put things in all the Johnnies to remind everyone to recycle, but how about encouraging everyone not to accost innocent bystanders by shoving quarter sheet flyers into their hands. Could have saved some trees. It also broke my little Oregonian heart to see so much Styrofoam.
</gripe-fest> Here's what I thought was awesome. I hadn't been to the Imaginarium before, but it was pretty sweet! I imagine it'll be hard to top a British theme, because it's so easy to be silly about it. I only caught the film about forgiveness at Flickerings, but it was awesome and moving. Other highlights: Psalters+Jesus for President, Blaster the Rocketman (although the real Christians cutting into their set on Saturday was lame), the Asylum, Brad Culver at the Underground Subcultures tent, the lady who talked about Monasticism, and the family that talked about Spiritual Parenting (taking in young people as their own children).
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| this week @ ttf. |
[14 Jul 2008|01:04pm] |
20911 Johnson St, Pembroke Pines, Florida 33029
tonight!!14 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10presale
bands.
Kids Of Survival - Point Of View - The Latency - EastSide Memories + tba
tues.15 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12
bands
The Title (NJ) - The Apathy Eulogy - The Sneak Preview - Robbie Hazen + tba
sat 19 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12
bands.
Plastiq Passion - Rdv W/Kidnappers - Blue Tattoo - Bliss + tba...
sun. 20 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10presale
bands
NAME - RISE OF CALIGULA - BTHOW - InTheCompanyOfWolves + tba
mon. 21 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : $12 $10p
bands
The Bride Wore Black - Veara - Lady Radiator - And Then There Was You +tba.
For presale tickets go to http://www.thetalentfarm.com/ttf-events/event.php
or
to watch shows live. thetalentfarm.com
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| this week @ ttf. |
[14 Jul 2008|12:57pm] |
20911 Johnson St, Pembroke Pines, Florida 33029
tonight!!14 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10presale
bands.
Kids Of Survival - Point Of View - The Latency - EastSide Memories + tba
tues.15 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12
bands
The Title (NJ) - The Apathy Eulogy - The Sneak Preview - Robbie Hazen + tba
sat 19 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12
bands.
Plastiq Passion - Rdv W/Kidnappers - Blue Tattoo - Bliss + tba...
sun. 20 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : 12door 10presale
bands
NAME - RISE OF CALIGULA - BTHOW - InTheCompanyOfWolves + tba
mon. 21 Jul, 06:30 PM
Cost : $12 $10p
bands
The Bride Wore Black - Veara - Lady Radiator - And Then There Was You +tba.
For presale tickets go to http://www.thetalentfarm.com/ttf-events/event.php
or
to watch shows live. thetalentfarm.com
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| dear poptarts |
[14 Jul 2008|01:44am] |
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oh how i love you. thank you for always being there for me. you were always there in the morning for a quick breakfast and after school. thank you x123459876543214567767. you don't get the credit you deserve.
love forever,
ashley
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[13 Jul 2008|11:44pm] |
I need some major prayer. I am in the process of applying for Youth With A Mission. I have no money what so ever and really need to depend on God. I have to eventually get around 6k for schooling/mission trip. I am worried that I won't be able to reach that and it scares me. I have to do this. If you would, please keep me in your prayers. I would appreciate it very much. If you would like to donate even a dollar, I would be so blessed. I have set up a paypal account if you would like to help me out. Thank you so much!
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[12 Jul 2008|01:44pm] |
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the black angels show was really good. visually disorienting and a lot of slow motion head banging. and then there was beer. summer vacation is killing me!
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| it is bffl weekend |
[11 Jul 2008|11:19pm] |
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tonight i'm staying with Lauren. tomorrow is slip n slide and heartache. sunday is warped tour. i'll be with her, so i'll be okay. gimmie strawberry wine.
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| Podcast TONIGHT! |
[11 Jul 2008|05:08pm] |
Friday, July 11th
9pm Eastern/8pm Central
http://www.godlygals.com/blog/chat
(affiliated with ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) godly_gals )
Please stop by to check out our chatroom for Christian women, the live podcast discussing relevant topics, and much more!
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| Podcast TONIGHT! |
[11 Jul 2008|05:08pm] |
Friday, July 11th
9pm Eastern/8pm Central
http://www.godlygals.com/blog/chat
Please stop by to check out our chatroom for Christian women, the live podcast discussing relevant topics, and much more!
|
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| wonder what it all means |
[11 Jul 2008|10:31am] |
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more end of the world dreams. zombies filing single file through trees, over hills, punks trying to break into office buildings to escape. i found a priest and we talked about dying, i asked him if i should be afraid to die and he said absolutely. but i didn't...adrien and i dropped down from the office building balcony onto a train and dissapeared to a land without zombies.
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| today: |
[10 Jul 2008|02:14am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 calm |
] |
-$100.
+ new video card in my computer.
lunch with mom.
cried.
lurked. a lot.
coffee.
coffee again.
date witb rachel.
even more coffee.
stuart pier.
meaningful conversation.
random/awkward im conversation.
pretty fulfilling day, even though i did absolutely nothing for the most part.
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] |
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